First thing first, acknowledge it sucks.
It hurts, causes frustrations, anger and grief. It hurts really bad especially when you waited so long and been through so much in the quest to have a baby. Know that it is extremely normal and okay to mourn.
If you are a type A personality, this is for you. We often tend to focus on success and ignore failures but remember these feelings stay buried inside and hit you much harder when they return. So express your grief in the form that is meaningful to you. Let it flow.
This will help you let it go.
My favorite coping mantra for these times is a song from Trolls movie, “if you knock knock me over, you knock knock me over I will get back up again.”
Take your time grieving but then I want you to get back up again and take control of your situation.
Understanding IVF failure and redefining your path requires time and reflection. I want you to take control of your emotional wellbeing first and then reflect with poised mind and devise your next course.
Seek Support. Multiple layers of support systems become very helpful in such instances. Support groups, counseling or therapist along with your personal care providers are great resources to help you realign.
Speaking to other couples who are going through similar struggles often bring new perspectives to our individual situation. You learn from each other and apply like-minded brains in your favor. After IVF failure, strong support systems are crucial in gathering our self again and start the process all over again. Whatever path that might be.
Know that few people have success on their first or even second try but remember that one or two failed cycles don’t mean things will never succeed. You may just need more time or a different treatment plan.
Discuss possible reasons for failures and what next steps you can take to improve your chances for success with your doctors.
Read a comprehensive recommendation from Dr.Aimee, fertility doctor from Bay Area, California here.
Most common reasons for IVF failures:
- Poor quality of egg and sperms
- Age of eggs and sperms
- Poor response to ovarian stimulation
- Embryo quality
- Chromosomal abnormalities
- Implantation failures due to uterine receptivity issues
Read this blog article for more detailed explanation from Texas Fertility Clinic on why IVF fails?
Discuss additional testing with your doctors: e.g.
- Genetic screening of embryos, karyotyping
- Testing for reproductive immunology issues
- advanced uterine evaluation
Discuss what changes should be made:
- Changes in stimulation protocols
- Lifestyle changes
- Diet and exercise
You may find different clinics may have different approaches, seek multiple opinions until you find satisfying response.
You don’t need to do this alone, and you shouldn’t. The more support you have, the better. Learn more about your situation, be your own investigator and ask more questions.